Halloween Humorous Tombstones
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Here lies |
Here lies
EZEKIEL AIKLE Age 102 The Good Die Young |
Here lies
my wife, I bid her goodbye. She rests in peace and now so do I. |
Here lies
the body of JOHN ROUND Lost at sea and never found |
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Here Lies
a man named Zeke Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek |
Here lies
HENRY BLAKE He stepped on the gas Instead of the brake |
Soon ripe
Soon rotten Soon gone But not forgotten |
Here lies
JOHN YEAST Pardon me for not rising |
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RIP
Ted N. Buried |
BILL BLAKE
Was hanged by mistake |
RIP
Barry M. Deep |
See
I told you I was SICK! |
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Here lies the body of
EDWARD HYDE We laid him here because he died |
Dear Departed
BROTHER DAVE he chased a bear into a cave |
ARTHUR C. HOMAN
Once I wasn't Then I was Now I ain't again |
REST IN PEACE
COUSIN HUET we all know you didn't do it |
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Here lies
GOOD OLD FRED a great big rock fell on his head |
Here lies
the Pillsbury Dough Boy He will rise again |
RIP
Good Friend Gordon now you've crossed the River Jordan |
Here Lies Joyce
She'd rather not But no choice |
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SARAH SHUTE
1803-1840 Here lies, cut down like unripe fruit, The wife of Deacon Amos Shute. She died of drinking too much coffee, Anno Dominy eighteen forty |
Beneath this stone,
a lump of clay lies ARABELLY YOUNG Who on the twenty-fourth of May Began to hold her tongue |
In memory of
ANNA HOPEWELL Here lies the body of our Anna Done to death by a banana It wasn't the fruit that laid her low But the skin of the thing that made her go |
EZEKIEL PEASE
Pease is not here, Only his pod He shelled out his Peas And went to his God |
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Grim death took me
without any warning I was well at night, and dead in the morning |
Here lies the body of
MARGARET BENT She kicked up her heels And away she went |
This life's a dream
And all things show it I thought so once and Now I know it |
Here lies Clyde
Whose life was full Until he tried To milk a bull |
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MARY WEARY
Housewife Dere Friends I am going Where washing ain't done Or cooking or sewing: Don't mourn for me now Or weep for me never: For I go to do nothing Forever and ever! |
In Memory of
BEZA WOOD Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 - Age 45 yrs. Here lies one Wood Enclosed in wood One Wood Within another. The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other |
Here lies NED
There is nothing more to be said Because we like to speak well of the dead |
EFFIE JEAN ROBINSON
1897-1922 Come blooming youths, as you pass by, And on these lines do cast an eye. As you are now, so once was I; As I am now, so must you be; Prepare for death and follow me |
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First a Cough
Carried Me Off Then a Coffin They Carried Me Off In |
OWEN MOORE
Gone away Owin' more Than he could pay |
Here lies ANN MANN
Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann |
Here lies
the father of 29 He would have had more But he didn't have time |
Politicians
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During yet another political season are you fed up with the commercials and meaningless dribble? Maybe this will make you feel better… A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was asked to make a presentation and give a little speech at dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. He said, "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person that entered the confessional told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his friend's wife and was a drug user. I was appalled. But as time went on I came to know that thankfully not all the parishioners were like that. I actually learned that this congregation is full of good and loving people and that my first confession heard here was the rarest of exceptions." Just as the priest finished his speech the politician arrived full of apologies for being late and immediately began his speech. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one here to go to him in confession." |
